The Grammy-winning “On My Mama” singer just shattered a common myth about queer dating. Victoria Monét dating women has not been the emotionally safe haven she once imagined. In fact, she says it’s been worse. The bisexual singer’s relationship conversation unfolded during a raw appearance on Angie Martinez’s “IRL” podcast, where Monét admitted that women haven’t shown up for her the way she hoped.
Monét didn’t hold back. “The girls did me dirty,” she said plainly. While many assume dating women brings more emotional intelligence and understanding, her reality tells a different story. “My experiences are a little bit worse,” she explained. The issue? Intentions. Women approach her sensually, not seriously.
According to Monét, potential partners fixate on her looks rather than building something real. “Girls don’t approach me seriously; they approach me sensually,” she shared. “They are just like ‘Oh, she’s beautiful, she’s attractive’ or talk about my body.” She went into dating women hoping for depth. Instead, she found the same surface-level treatment she’s experienced with men, sometimes magnified.
The singer has been single for over two years following her September 2024 split from longtime partner John Gaines, with whom she shares daughter Hazel. Now her standards have shifted. She wants “Ciara’s prayer”, the kind of genuine, non-performative love Russell Wilson shows Ciara publicly and privately.
Monét revealed she’s drawn to masculine energy moving forward, whether from a man or a masculine-leaning woman. “Because I am feeling so feminine, I want the opposite energy,” she explained. Whatever form it takes, she’s clear: low effort and casual hookups need not apply. For a working mother, every moment away from Hazel has to be worth it.
The conversation has sparked widespread debate about modern dating, emotional availability, and whether genuine connections are becoming harder to find across every orientation.
